Life Always is always missing the point

When Tricia Fraser took her four children into a local modeling agency having one of them featured on a large billboard in a prominent position in SoHo was probably beyond her wildest dreams. The problem?

It was this billboard:

Due to the standard release form the mother sent, her daughter’s image was unwittingly sold to Life Always, a controversial anti-abortion organization. The billboard—which reads “The most dangerous place for an African-American is in the womb”—was featured in an effort to (get this) HONOR Black History Month.

In response to the P.R. shitstorm brewing, Lamar Advertising swiftly made the decision to pull the ad. Good call, Lamar.

Craigslist-- for gently used futons, jailbroken iPhones and shirtless Congressmen. Rawr!

Congressman Chris Lee, you STUD, you! Unfortunately what you make up for in looks and self-portrait skills, you obviously lack in the common sense department. Fit? Sure. Fun? Oh, I'm sure you're a barrel of monkeys. Classy? Dude. You're picking up chicks on CRAIGSLIST. I can't look at a car without getting scammed and you want to pick up a mistress? You fail.
I'm sure you dream of a day when successful politicians finally have an outlet to meet attractive young women without their pesky wives, families or contingents getting in their business. Perhaps one day a matchmaking website will boast, "Seven out of ten matches lead to successful love affairs" and entice sleazy men to try a free trial for 30 days. Ooo! I even have a sample profile for you...

Heya ladies! I'm a semi-successful former congressman from the great state of New York. I've recently come across an abundance of free-time and I'm looking for someone special to spend it with ;) My turn offs include gun control, universal health care and romantic comedies. My turn-ons include fiscal responsibility and a fine cognac. If you're a young, attractive woman looking to have a good time, give me a call ;)

I'm sure you'll get some hits, Mr. Congressman. But you may want to hold off on the public profile photo until the divorce is final. ;)

Craigslist scammer-- how can you be so heartless?

This morning was horrid. Thirty-five degrees and raining-- the type of ice-cold rain that collects in your shoes and keeps the hem of your pants wet and freezing for hours. The caffeine from my coffee never really kicked in. I'm in a room without windows. By 9 a.m., I was about *thisclose* to pulling a Milton ala Office Space.

I poke around on Craigslist to cheer myself up and peek at used cars. I'm trying to hold out on a car purchase until my hooptie goes wherever crappy cars goes when they die forever. I don't think Heaven. I think somewhere like the junkyard in The Brave Little Toaster. But of course if a great deal of a car pops up, it must be fate. And today there was a lovely 2005 Nissan Altima. It was a beaut and made my car looks even more like a bruised turd than it does already.

According to the listing, the car belonged to the poster's son, who tragically died just a couple months ago. Since the grieving mother wanted to get rid of this reminder of her son's death, she was letting the car go for an unbelievable price. The price was well below Blue Book and well below my price range.

It had to be mine. By 9:30 I was daydreaming about my new car. I was seeing myself loading groceries in and out of the trunk (wow! a real trunk!). I was planning roadtrips in my head. I was going to have that car forever. It was in perfect shape, the ad said! As fast as I could type, I was emailing the poster about my interest in the car.

Soon enough after I sent a few excited emails to my H, I finally received an email back from the poster about the car:

Hello,

My name is Cathy Ewing, I am emailing you regarding the 2005 Nissan Altima that I have for sale.

The car is in perfect condition , with no need for additional repairs, no scratches, dings, special marks whatsoever, never been involved in any accidents. The interior looks great (NO SMOKING). It has 45.195 miles ,automatic transmission. I have a clear and clean title for it , no liens or loans ready to be signed and notarized on your name.

I'm selling my son's car , who died in Iraq two months ago and I want to get rid of it asap because the sight of it makes me think of him often and often and the pain is too great . Put yourself in my shoes and you'll do the same (selling the car of your dead son, no offense) !!!

As you probably noticed , the final price that i want for this car is $2600 if you will buy it today or tomorrow.

Let me know where are you located and any other details you need about it.

Thank you,

Cathy

P.S : here is a link with more photos:  http://s1214.photobucket.com/albums/cc495/customer196742631/

I was relieved to see the car was in great shape, but I felt terrible for this poor mother's predictament. I told her I'd speak with my husband and hopefully take the car off her hands very soon. I got a quick response this time:

Hello again,

I`m located in Dallas,TX (the vehicle is here with me) right now because i got a new job here,the thing is i`m very busy and i don`t have time to stay and meet with all my potential buyers, that is why i gave to a shipping company that will ship it to the next owner(on my cost). I will make the deal only to eBay. I am a member of the eBay buyer protection program and using this service you will get a 3 days testing period after delivery. During that 3 days testing period I will not be getting any money. I need to know if you are interested in buying it so I can ask eBay to send you the details on how this works. If interested please include in your next email your contact info for eBay ( full name, full address and phone # ) so we can get things started.

Thanks and have a great day !

Cathy

What a douchenozzle. Not only did he/she try to scam me for a non-existent car, she made up a story about losing a son in Iraq to make it more believable. Although I was already joyriding my new Nissan Altima in my mind, the whole situation reeked of a scam:

1) Price The low price of the car immediately got my attention. Since the price seemed like such a good deal, I was ready to act quickly. Also the price was so low, I could pay cash. The poster asked about 5k less than a Kelley Blue Book appraisal, which should have been an immediate red flag, except...

2) Story The story made the price make more sense. The owner passed and the new owner wants to shed it quickly. The scam story is often a death, divorce, extreme financial burden, etc.

3) Pictures The attached photos prove the car is an actual car and that it's in great shape. But, where is the license plate? It doesn't make much sense to remove the plates, especially in a personal e-mail to a prospective buyer.

4) Location "Oh yeah, I live across the country now." If you live in Dallas or elsewhere, why not post on the local CL?

5) Shipping Why would you ship a car? That you found via Craigslist?

6) eBay Why would you pay via eBay?

It was a perfect storm of CL deception. Don't fall for the scams! Look for the red flags. You work too hard to lose your money to some jerkbag through the interwebs.

Bow wow wow yippy yo yippy yay

My husband had a surprise for me when I met him for lunch the other day. His name is Cash and he's a 4-month old Boston Terrier that needed a home. He's such a lovable little meatball. I adore him.

Although I've wanted a dog for the past couple years, I've never actually had a dog in the house. So suddenly living with a puppy has been an experience. Luckily, Cash has been great. He catches on so quickly, if there was a Mensa for canines, I would sign him up and pay the annual membership fee.

But, he is a puppy. He has typical puppy tendencies that I--as a new pet owner--don't really know what to do about. By the second night, H had to remind me that the dog does not speak English and that is why he's not responding well to, "Hey Cash. Go to bed and be quiet 'cause I'm tired and it's bedtime."

And lets be honest, he's not exactly the type of dog you put in a Coach purse while you shop at Barney's. He's got the face only a mother could love. He's been described as "healthy-looking." My brother said his face looks like the worst parts of the bible. He farts! He farts and a cloud of rancid sulfur fills the room causing visitors to look for oxygen masks falling from the ceiling.

Also, dogs are gross. They do gross things. Cash is a very affectionate dog, which I love because I'm a pretty affectionate person. I took him outside yesterday and in the middle of walking around the yard, he suddenly stops and rolls around on his back, kicking his little feet in the air. I thought it was adorable and starting rubbing his belly. I noticed he was getting dirty, but I didn't stop him. He's a dog! Dogs like dirt! Then I realized it was not dirt. It was poo. The dog likes his own poo so much, he felt the need to roll around in it. He was so delighted that he found the one poo in the entire yard, he just had to mush it into his fur and gleefully teeter back and forth like a vile, poo-covered weeble.

But he is my poo-loving meatball and I do love him.

I'll buy whatever you want, just make the commercials STOP.

Has anyone else seen the new Apple iPhone commercials? Have you gotten through the entire 30 seconds without shedding a tear? Doubtful.

I was this commercial last night and immediately starting sniffling and getting teary-eyed. It really affected my enjoyment of Pawn Stars. I will consider trading in my brick of a cell phone for your fancy smancy iPhone if you just STOP with the sappy commercials already. I can't take it anymore!

http://www.youtube.com/user/Apple?v=FHngLJ0RlNg&feature=pyv&ad=5647792866&kw=apple%20iphone%20ads#p/c/0749B42423816052/0/N2Wn7rYSBVQ

Oh, Mr. Sun

Parts of my family are black-Irish and parts of my family are of the classic, potato-famine variety. This means some of us have dark hair and skin and some of us make Robert Pattinson look like George Hamilton.

Guess which skin tone I was blessed with? Ah yes. The almost-translucent pale tone. If I had red eyes, I would look like a rabbit. Yet every summer, I get a bug up my ass that I'm going to get a tan even though it's practically impossible.

This summer was no exception. Patrick and I go to the in-law's pool to lay around and drink sangrias. As soon as I change into my swimsuit, Patrick has his finger on the nozzle of sunscreen, prepared to spray me down like a toddler. I raise my arms in defeat and submit to the sunscreen spray down.

I didn't swim as much as I just floated around the pool like a complete sloth, sunglasses on my face and a sangria in my hand at all times. It was marvelous. On a scorching hot day, there is just nothing better than just floating in a pool. I love it.

After hours of indulging in too much sangria and sunshine, Patrick staged an intervention. I glance up from the pool to see him, completely dressed, shaking his head saying, "You've had enough. It's time to step out of the pool."

Of course I'm in denial at this point and protest that I need at least one more sangria's worth of sun. But he tells me the sunscreen wasn't rated for the ultra pale and my skin was ripening to a nice shade of lobster. I didn't believe him until I took a shower and it felt like shards of glass were shooting from the shower head.

Now, my skin is still peeling like an onion and I'm swearing off the sun without sunscreen with a SPF of at least 100. Until next year that is.

AMUURIKA!

I can always tell it’s the fourth of July because no matter where I live, the neighbors absolutely cannot wait to set off their colossal amount of fireworks. Every year they buy a case of PBR and enough fireworks to light up the entire town. It’s redneck Christmas.
Sure, fireworks are great. But I just think there are better ways to honor this fine nation than lighting up a bunch of moonbeams and purple hooter shooters. This is the greatest country in the world! And we should partake in traditions that truly embody the spirit and ingenuity of the American people. That is why my favorite Fourth of July tradition is the Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest.
The Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest is one of the most thrilling, emotional and absolutely disgusting event in sports. Every year on the fourth of July, competitive eating companions from all across the world gather to Coney Island in Brooklyn and shove as many hot dogs down their necks as they can in 10 minutes. The champion who woofs down the most dogs is awarded with the beloved mustard belt, 10 grand and of course, the glory.
The contest began in 1916 on July 4th. Four immigrants were arguing over who was the most patriotic. So they settled it in the most accurate and fair manner they could—a hot dog eating contest. The person who ate the most hot dogs at the Nathan’s stand on Coney Island was undoubtedly the most patriotic.
Although World War II is over, the battle between Japan and the United States rages on every year at the annual hot dog eating competition. Japan’s Takeru “The Tsunami” Kobayashi has claimed the mustard belt from 2001-2006. The Tsunami is a 128 pound freak of nature that has claimed the mustard belt and disgraced this great nation for an unprecedented six years in a row.
American Joey “The Jaws” Chestnut re-claimed the belt for the ol’ red, white and blue while breaking the world record for most hot dogs eaten in 12 minutes (66 dogs) in 2007. The mustard belt has remained in its native United States since, although every year is a bitter battle between The Jaws and The Tsunami.
This Fourth of July I will be cheering on The Jaws from my living room and hoping he can claim the mustard belt yet again. I think Thomas Jefferson would be proud.