I'll buy whatever you want, just make the commercials STOP.

Has anyone else seen the new Apple iPhone commercials? Have you gotten through the entire 30 seconds without shedding a tear? Doubtful.

I was this commercial last night and immediately starting sniffling and getting teary-eyed. It really affected my enjoyment of Pawn Stars. I will consider trading in my brick of a cell phone for your fancy smancy iPhone if you just STOP with the sappy commercials already. I can't take it anymore!

http://www.youtube.com/user/Apple?v=FHngLJ0RlNg&feature=pyv&ad=5647792866&kw=apple%20iphone%20ads#p/c/0749B42423816052/0/N2Wn7rYSBVQ

Oh, Mr. Sun

Parts of my family are black-Irish and parts of my family are of the classic, potato-famine variety. This means some of us have dark hair and skin and some of us make Robert Pattinson look like George Hamilton.

Guess which skin tone I was blessed with? Ah yes. The almost-translucent pale tone. If I had red eyes, I would look like a rabbit. Yet every summer, I get a bug up my ass that I'm going to get a tan even though it's practically impossible.

This summer was no exception. Patrick and I go to the in-law's pool to lay around and drink sangrias. As soon as I change into my swimsuit, Patrick has his finger on the nozzle of sunscreen, prepared to spray me down like a toddler. I raise my arms in defeat and submit to the sunscreen spray down.

I didn't swim as much as I just floated around the pool like a complete sloth, sunglasses on my face and a sangria in my hand at all times. It was marvelous. On a scorching hot day, there is just nothing better than just floating in a pool. I love it.

After hours of indulging in too much sangria and sunshine, Patrick staged an intervention. I glance up from the pool to see him, completely dressed, shaking his head saying, "You've had enough. It's time to step out of the pool."

Of course I'm in denial at this point and protest that I need at least one more sangria's worth of sun. But he tells me the sunscreen wasn't rated for the ultra pale and my skin was ripening to a nice shade of lobster. I didn't believe him until I took a shower and it felt like shards of glass were shooting from the shower head.

Now, my skin is still peeling like an onion and I'm swearing off the sun without sunscreen with a SPF of at least 100. Until next year that is.

AMUURIKA!

I can always tell it’s the fourth of July because no matter where I live, the neighbors absolutely cannot wait to set off their colossal amount of fireworks. Every year they buy a case of PBR and enough fireworks to light up the entire town. It’s redneck Christmas.
Sure, fireworks are great. But I just think there are better ways to honor this fine nation than lighting up a bunch of moonbeams and purple hooter shooters. This is the greatest country in the world! And we should partake in traditions that truly embody the spirit and ingenuity of the American people. That is why my favorite Fourth of July tradition is the Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest.
The Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest is one of the most thrilling, emotional and absolutely disgusting event in sports. Every year on the fourth of July, competitive eating companions from all across the world gather to Coney Island in Brooklyn and shove as many hot dogs down their necks as they can in 10 minutes. The champion who woofs down the most dogs is awarded with the beloved mustard belt, 10 grand and of course, the glory.
The contest began in 1916 on July 4th. Four immigrants were arguing over who was the most patriotic. So they settled it in the most accurate and fair manner they could—a hot dog eating contest. The person who ate the most hot dogs at the Nathan’s stand on Coney Island was undoubtedly the most patriotic.
Although World War II is over, the battle between Japan and the United States rages on every year at the annual hot dog eating competition. Japan’s Takeru “The Tsunami” Kobayashi has claimed the mustard belt from 2001-2006. The Tsunami is a 128 pound freak of nature that has claimed the mustard belt and disgraced this great nation for an unprecedented six years in a row.
American Joey “The Jaws” Chestnut re-claimed the belt for the ol’ red, white and blue while breaking the world record for most hot dogs eaten in 12 minutes (66 dogs) in 2007. The mustard belt has remained in its native United States since, although every year is a bitter battle between The Jaws and The Tsunami.
This Fourth of July I will be cheering on The Jaws from my living room and hoping he can claim the mustard belt yet again. I think Thomas Jefferson would be proud.